Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
