A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
