I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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