you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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