im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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