Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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