Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize