My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
