I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
