i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
