I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
