i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
