How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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