how can u be prego again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
