Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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