the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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