Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize