Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
