Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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