sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
