I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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