Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize