She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
