Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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