seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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