mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
