Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
