GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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