Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
