I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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