I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
