What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
