its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
