so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you never un-have a 4some
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
