woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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