Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
