Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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