theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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