He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
