I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
