i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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