How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
