Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
