Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
