Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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