Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
