Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
