i think my mom watched the whole time
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
