Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
