Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
