im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
