hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
