I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
