Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
