You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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