He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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