and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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