We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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