im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
