those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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