It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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