New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
