His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
