I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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