waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
