You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
