was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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